Ben Folds Five lyrics

(OK Grandpa, let's tell them a little story about what happened this Christmas) Christmas eve I didn't get much sleep I kept hearing things Heavy breathing from the chimney Who could it be? In the morn I couldn't believe my eyes A whale of a corpse With a long white beard was dangling over the fire (Chorus) Santa he's a big fat f*uck Crawled down the chimney got his fat ass stuck Honey call the lawyers fast ‘Cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass (OK Grandpa, step up, sing in this thing right here, tell ‘em what you saw) Gotta tell you folks He wasn't wearing no clothes He musta rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco oil from his head down to his toes I was talking to the cops outside The dogs were lickin' Crisco off of his thighs They hauled him away in a double wide What a sad sad way to die (Chorus) Get This Ringtone

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